Mood: Very bad...heartbroken

This afternoon we went for a 2nd heel-prick test for Mischa to test her jaundice level. While waiting for the results we were praying hard that her jaundice level has dropped. However it didnt. Her jaundice went up to 16.9 and Dr. Ong offered us 2 options - to admit Mischa or to rent a home photo-therapy kit and sun her at home.

I started to tear upon hearing that her level went up. I needed her jaundice level to drop below 15 to get the clearance from Dr. Ong that she is ok. Hubby knew that I couldnt bear to leave her in the hospital for 2 days (i sure will have sleepless & tearing nights), he decided to rent the home photo-therapy kit.

The kit was promptly sent to us the same evening and we started to put Mischa under the light to maximize her hours under the light so that she can recover fast. I had to strip her naked with only diapers on and have to ignore her wails and cries. I could not bear it any longer and i broke down again just now.

I feel the happiest when its feeding time, cos then i can pick her up and breastfeed her. However hubby feels that I spent too much time latching her and she needs the maximum exposure to the light at this point of time, he suggested that I express my breast milk and bottle feed her. Hiaz....I really hate to introduce bottle so early and afraid that she will take to the bottle and refuse to latch after that. Hence to strike a balance, I will only feed her with bottle 2x a day and the rest of the time will let her latch on directly.

Here's a shot of her face down (sunning her back) in the light box.*Sob sob...